She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
