when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize