i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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