you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
