A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i've created a new STD.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize