I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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