Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
dude. I can hear the air.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
