...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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