And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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