TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
