can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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