Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize