don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
