I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
