grandma shit on top of the toilet
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
