I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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