There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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