I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
