I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Acid is not a monday night drug
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
