I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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