Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
