somebody snuck up and got me drunk
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
