At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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