yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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