I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
