I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
