His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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