Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
