Quick, to the slutcave!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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