Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
