I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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