I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize