i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
