I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
