And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This is the high leading the old right now
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
