i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
