if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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