about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
