If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
