My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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