Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
