it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
