He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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