Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
