Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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