Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
