wrigley field is MILF paradise
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Randomize
