His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
