i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
