and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
