I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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