What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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