When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
