worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
