I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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