Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
