Do you still have your period?
4 words: hood of his car
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
operation have a gay friend backfired
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
