Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
