where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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