You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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