Quick, to the slutcave!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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