I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just gargled with NyQuil
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
