Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
