You made me cry and you don't even care
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Randomize
