Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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