4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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