so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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