so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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