If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
