I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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