am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
