JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
