My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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