We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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