Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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