My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
