the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
