I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
