i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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