The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize