I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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