THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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