Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
