he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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