i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
