I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
