her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
