I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
