So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
if only i could text you this smell
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
then he tried to convert me to islam
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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