I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
