this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
