I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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