i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
