is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
