Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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