i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
