just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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