I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
