There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
