I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
A+ Viking dick
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
