there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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