I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
