I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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