You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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