yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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